A fatherless father’s day.

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Father’s day is just around and she sees a lot of her friends posting on social media about their brave fathers, how he selflessly dedicated his life for them or how he keeps them as his first priority in everything. Almost all the online sites recommend her the perfect gift for her perfect father, which makes her slip into her deep thoughts, not all the fathers are perfect.

For any girl her father is her first love, her superhero, her guiding light, protector, her king and a lot more. That’s the case with most of the families, unlike hers.

She had gotten to this World to find her father fighting all the time, finding himself too worthy to do some small time job or to earn them some living. She was too young to understand anything then. She thought of her father as a super hero too, who was always around getting her ready for school or taking her around the town while her mother was away to earn some bread for the family. Her mother would be beaten black and blue if she wouldn’t get money to feed his devilish soul.

It was just after her 10th birthday, she was excited about growing older. Life was going as usual, she was too excited thinking about the forthcoming summer vacations. She would imagine all the fun she would have and all the new things she could do.

Little did she know what life had in store for her, for he had eloped with their last savings, to a place to never return. Intially she was happy that he wasn’t there and now no one would hit her now nor scold her harshly. Little did she know what a devil her father was. Soon after a few days she started to miss her routine of being bathed by him, groomed, dressed and going around the town. He had taught her to read, memorise the important phone numbers, read the clock timing and a few more tasks. She had thoroughly enjoyed all of these forgiving him and his beatings by being overwhelmed in the joy of learning.

She started being absent minded in school and would often get scolded too, never in a position to explain it to anyone what had exactly happened to her. Too naive to explain or tell, the 10 year old went with the flow.

She would miss the father figure when her school mates fathers would come to pick them up or when she heard her friends talk about their fathers. As she started growing older she felt this void, that she would barely do anything to help. She would sleep with weepy eyes questioning her God secretly “why did he do that to her, why only she?”

She would show herself strong and happy to the world and would weep herself to sleep each night. She hoped for a day when she may meet him once, she rehearsed all the questions she wanted to ask, she was filled with fury, anger, hatred and love. She couldn’t explain it to anyone. She waited for that one call never changing their landline in that hope. Years flew by and a side of her kept dying.

She grew up in a society that would never fail in questioning a female and accusing her at their disposal. There were too many sad and happy moments that she wanted to share. She missed him dearly and was vulnerable too but put up the mask of hatred and anger as her stregth.

She dreamed of having a father, to one day bleam at her graduation day, to walk her down the aisle and never leave her side. She always had so many things to ask, but was deprived.

She grew up hostile about the opposite gender, she was turning bitter about everything. With passing time and supportive friends she could over come the bitterness. She forgave the man but didn’t forget the pain.

One day she got the news of his passing away, with all her hopes and questions burried along.

He deprived her of the love while he was alive, and deprived her of the grief and rights to perform the last rites too. A man that left this world with a huge void in his daughters soul..

Grief is a very funny thing, you can’t be prepared and it hits you without an invite. It basically never leaves you, you just grow comfortable with this feeling. It’s painful, overwhelming and devastating. No matter how much you learn to make peace with it, the pain lingers within you for the longest of time making a void within you.

Now all she has is the faded memories..

5 Comments Add yours

  1. neha98blog says:

    whatever I write is unable to express the emotions I am goung through by reading your writing.


    1. I’m glad you read it, it was just purging out emotions which is otherwise difficult to explain.


      1. neha98blog says:

        You’ve wrote it beautifully.


  2. You know today I am specifially reading this tag of “missing father on father’s day’
    I lost my father in law last year and this is the first father’s day without him So I too wrote a letter to him.
    I undoubtedly believe we never lose a parent we gain a guardian angel and they watch over us.
    Posting the link to my letter : https://wp.me/p9tZ21-d1
    Lot’s of wishes and blessings your way.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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